Getting Back To It… …Slowly

19:21 Daniel Riding 0 Comments

Anyone who has any form of mental illness knows how hard it can be, and sometimes that you can genuinely feel like you’re on the way up then it can all come crashing down around you. Depression is one hell of an unpredictable entity and it can knock the wind out of you when it reverses over you again and again.

The past 3 years have been so difficult and a few months ago I was slowly on the rise again, always fearful of failure I embraced my newfound joy with trepidation as the case has been before when the emotional rug can get pulled out from under you quicker than think.

Recently I have had a number of things happen to me that have hurt me greatly and I have realised to some extent who and what is there for me completely. I do suffer from depression, anxiety and PTSD and anyone who knows that it is not a fun ride whatsoever. What happens when you suffer from something like this is you tend to grasp onto any form of joy in your life no matter how small so tightly because you are so afraid that it will slip through your fingers. Strength comes from joy and when you feel like you have very little joy in your life the strength becomes this imaginary thing that you are sure you made up. 

I have decided to take things really slowly now, and really take time to recover and try my best to not put pressure on myself in regards to anything in my life. So for example my writing and my blogging etc I will get to them when I feel up to it. I want to start again soon, but when I do I will take it at a pace which is best for me and my health. No pressure to get published or worry about how many hits my website is getting, just try my best to do it for me and have fun with it. 

I’m heading back into therapy in January (hopefully) specifically for my PTSD which is so scary because you have to relive everything traumatic that ever happened to you I order to mentally digest it and move on. In the end I feel it is worth it in order to get better but I am not going to lie I am petrified. 

That’s it for now I guess, just a little update on where I’m at. I hope everyone is well and I wish you all the best for 2017.


Blog Tour: Be My Baby | A.L. Michael

05:00 Daniel Riding 0 Comments

Today folks, I am super happy to have a guest post from A.L. Michael as part of her blog tour for her latest book 'Be My Baby'.

A word from Esme, on the events of Be My Baby.

You know, adults are really dumb.
I know it’s mean to call people dumb, but that doesn’t mean they’re not clever.

I got you there, didn’t I?

Mum says I can be a little precocious at time. Evie says it’s obnoxious.

I say it’s fun.

So, the thing is, my life hasn’t been normal for ages. It’s been fun and crazy and strange. Like, Mum’s friend Ruby (who was a superstar singer and really, really sparkly) died, and she left us this cool arts space. We called it The Ruby Rooms, (my idea!) and me and Mum, and my Auntie Evie all moved in.

And it’s been cool. We make stuff, and run classes, and have a cinema night. Mum’s been running these really cool kids cooking classes, where we make smoothies, and banana bread and I love it. It’s home. So it doesn’t matter if school’s a bit rubbish.

I kind of miss my old school. I mean. It was still rubbish, and it’s the same in a lot of ways. No one reads, and all the girls act silly to make the boys like them, and want to do dance routines and act like wimps. But in my old school, I wasn’t the only kid without a dad. That seems to be a big deal here. And I know it’s dumb, but it makes me sad.

I wonder about my dad. Mum doesn’t say much, except that they were kids when they found out they were having me, and she grew up, and he didn’t. And that he wasn’t a bad person, but he was a boy, and boys are silly sometimes. But she gets this sad look on her face when I ask, so I don’t ask anymore.

And it’s not so bad, really. Because Auntie Chelsea is getting married, and I get to be a bridesmaid, and mum’s starting dating again, and Evie and Killian are all smoochy and happy. And they’re my family. A weird, kind of mish mash family, but I love them.

But sometimes I wonder, if my dad’s out there wondering about me too.

Blurb: Two’s company…

If you asked Mollie whether she struggled as a single mum, she’d have to cover her daughter’s ears before answering. Surrounded by friends, watching Esme grow into the sassiest eleven-year-old in North London, and building her name as TV chef Mollie Makes, Mollie’s never been happier. Well, that’s what she’d tell you. But as her best friends pair off, and Esme starts getting into trouble at school, Mollie wonders whether life would be different – not better…but easier – with a team mate.

Three’s a crowd?

But Esme’s dad, Jamie, would be the last man Mollie would team up with. After all, he made it clear eleven years ago that he wasn’t interested in playing the family game. So when he suddenly reappears, Mollie can’t believe her eyes. And soon, she’s got to ask herself the hardest question yet: she knows she can succeed as a single mum. But what if her daughter doesn’t want her to?


About A.L. Michael
A.L Michael is a writer and workshop leader from North London. She has a BA in Creative Writing with English Lit, an MA in Creative Entrepreneurship and is starting an MsC in Creative Writing for Therapeutic Purposes. She likes learning and hates essays.

She's a fan of cheap wine, expensive chocolate and still wants to be a secret agent when she grows up, but she'll settle for lying on the page.


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