Wednesday, 28 December 2016

Getting Back To It… …Slowly

Anyone who has any form of mental illness knows how hard it can be, and sometimes that you can genuinely feel like you’re on the way up then it can all come crashing down around you. Depression is one hell of an unpredictable entity and it can knock the wind out of you when it reverses over you again and again.

The past 3 years have been so difficult and a few months ago I was slowly on the rise again, always fearful of failure I embraced my newfound joy with trepidation as the case has been before when the emotional rug can get pulled out from under you quicker than think.

Recently I have had a number of things happen to me that have hurt me greatly and I have realised to some extent who and what is there for me completely. I do suffer from depression, anxiety and PTSD and anyone who knows that it is not a fun ride whatsoever. What happens when you suffer from something like this is you tend to grasp onto any form of joy in your life no matter how small so tightly because you are so afraid that it will slip through your fingers. Strength comes from joy and when you feel like you have very little joy in your life the strength becomes this imaginary thing that you are sure you made up. 

I have decided to take things really slowly now, and really take time to recover and try my best to not put pressure on myself in regards to anything in my life. So for example my writing and my blogging etc I will get to them when I feel up to it. I want to start again soon, but when I do I will take it at a pace which is best for me and my health. No pressure to get published or worry about how many hits my website is getting, just try my best to do it for me and have fun with it. 

I’m heading back into therapy in January (hopefully) specifically for my PTSD which is so scary because you have to relive everything traumatic that ever happened to you I order to mentally digest it and move on. In the end I feel it is worth it in order to get better but I am not going to lie I am petrified. 

That’s it for now I guess, just a little update on where I’m at. I hope everyone is well and I wish you all the best for 2017.